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Second Thoughts
July 26, 2003, 8:32 a.m. *sigh* Only one entry in, and I’m already having doubts. What if my parents read that last entry? I doubt they would be able to understand the whole love/despise thing . . . seeing as no one else can. I do love them, they’re wonderful people – when they’re sober. When they’re not . . . ugh, I feel nothing but utter contempt. My father is belligerent and sottish (I don’t think that’s a word, but it suits my purposes), and my mother is so doped up she can’t remember the simplest things. She behaves like an eighty year old, which makes me despise her all the more because she’s doing it to herself. My dad . . . he behaves like . . . there’s no comparison, he just is. And you have to get out of the way. Oh God, what if they read this? The worst thing is, it gets harder and harder to retain my respect for them, even when they are sober, as a result of their actions the night before. And no one wants to lose respect for their parents. I love them, but it would be easier if I could just hate them.
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