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Not a Bunny Boiler
August 26, 2003, 10:53 p.m. Melodrama is narky at me for not telling her that Sif was coming yesterday. But I did! I told her a week beforehand. Only, when I saw her on the bus that morning, very briefly, and she told me she couldn’t come, I didn’t say “Oh, damn, Sif’s coming this afternoon, you’ll miss her.” She says she would have shuffled her plans had she known . . . oh well, more people than she missed out on Sif, but I’m sure there’ll be a return visit. I miss the Elf-boy. Not so much as a boyfriend, but just as a friend. For about 8 months before we were together, we were friends, and I miss that. He is actually a really . . . well, if I say nice or good, he sounds boring. Interesting is too ambiguous . . . perhaps ‘entertaining’ : ) An entertaining person. But anyway. I, as per, shouldn’t be here. I should totally be working on another speech that I have to give in the morning that I again haven’t written. Damn, I’m so predictable. A thought, that’s been kicking around in my head for a while – can I be too precious about my virginity? Should I be more relaxed about it? If I continue to approach it the way I do now, will I be a virgin for the rest of my life? I think not. I don’t think opportunities for it will suddenly dry up, and I’m not exactly saving myself for marriage – just for the right guy/time. I know that I’m going to take my first time, and sex in general too, I think, very seriously. I know it’ll mean a lot to me, so I don’t want to (pardon the pun), screw it up. I want to feel absolutely confident with my decision. I did think it would end up being Elf-boy, but turns out, no. Which means I have to start from scratch with the next guy, but I think I enjoy that process. Gah, I never stop talking about him. I think I’m coming across as some sort of crazy obsessed chick . . .
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