|
|
Nothing Else for Me to Do But Dance
September 15, 2003, 9:23 p.m. Had another small breakdown today. It’s been a while, but it was still upsetting to find tears on my face as I waited for the bus. Which was late : P At the moment, listening to songs that ‘recognise the pain in me’. I’m not sure what set me off. It obviously has something to with seeing Elf-boy today, but why this time . . . perhaps because a couple of his friends turned up, who are a couple . . . usually being around a couple isn’t difficult, I just end up thinking “oh, isn’t that sweet . . . mmm, wouldn’t mind me a boy to hold.” This time I was thinking that, and then going “oh look, there is the boy I would have held . . . the boy I still want to hold . . . fuck.” Aye me. I’m sure it’ll pass. I just want someone to notice the small things about me, and love me for them. I want someone to give as much as I do in a relationship (it’s probably unwise, but I tend to make the object of my affection my number one priority. What can I say, people are the most important thing in life, and if you’re the most important person to me . . .) I want someone to worry that I’m feeling okay, that I’m getting home alright, that I’m not stressing too much over uni. Do I want too much? Ahh fuck, this is depressing. I have a swish Swiss Army knife – it’s no bigger than my little finger, and it’s got a knife, a nail file, scissors, tweezers and a toothpick on it. I’ll probably only be using the first and third items : ) I’ve already cut myself on it. Perhaps this wasn’t the best gift for my Dad to give me ; )
|