|
|
Dammit - Three Steps Back
September 18, 2003, 9:42 a.m. Well, I think I just proved to myself that I’m not fully over the Elf-boy. Goddamn subconscious. I had an amazingly detailed, very vivid dream whereby he and I got back together. I don’t know where exactly we were, but we were sitting on a couch, with a friend of his between us, having to explain that we were now broken up. This friend seemed most distraught at this news, and went somewhere (to be consoled, I think). Elf-boy kept looking at me, and then suddenly he kissed me. I reciprocated, and then pulled away in fear that he was just leading me. He stopped, but kept his hand on my shoulder, and then my hand was touching his leg, and, well, then we were kissing again. Again I pulled away, and so he stood up and motioned us out the door, down a hallway and into some deserted room, where the kissing didn’t really recommence, but where we lay down and wrapped ourselves up in each other’s arms. I think we had a few people walk in on us, but after a few giggles we began to kiss again. It was kind of acknowledged between us that we were back together. Suddenly, all my half-formed promises flew back into my mind: if, by some freak chance, he were to ask for you back, would you say yes?; yes, but only if he’d . . . and then there would be a litany of complaints and desires for change. I pulled away again, and he was very upset, thinking I didn’t want to be with him, but as I tried to explain I did, but I didn’t want the same thing to happen again . . . my alarm went off and I woke up. Dammit. Well, I may not love him anymore, but that quite obviously doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him. It's one thing to know that someone is vastly Not Right For You, which sums up the Elf-boy, but it's entirely another to accept it.
|