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Look Away, I'm Hideous
September 23, 2003, 11:50 p.m. Yo. Um, this is kinda long, so feel free to skip it. It's a conversation I had with some guy who randomly messaged me. I end up lying my head off, and I had a really complex and involved back-story, but unfortunately, the sucker didn't run with the hints I dropped, so you don't get to hear it. But anyway, this my alter ego: a married virginal voluntary suicide counsellor with blocked tear ducts, a regional amateur squash championship, and a protective love of Father Roland.
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ICQ History Log For:
********* black Robe
Started on Tue Sep 23 23:28:00 2003
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black Robe 9:48 PM hello
Liadlaith 9:49 PM hi
black Robe 9:50 PM you took a while dear
I almost ran out of breath
and what a shy hi that was
Liadlaith 9:50 PM i'm a bit busy
and annoyed
black Robe 9:51 PM why annoyed
Liadlaith 9:51 PM i thought i set my icq to stop people from
randomly messaging me
black Robe 9:55 PM well
am waiting you know
Liadlaith 9:55 PM waiting for what?
black Robe 9:56 PM for your reply dear..
Liadlaith 9:56 PM to what?
black Robe 9:56 PM did you get that
Liadlaith 9:57 PM get what?
black Robe 9:59 PM messages are getting lost here...
evil forces are trying to keep us apart
Liadlaith 9:59 PM oh how terrible
black Robe 10:00 PM it is
and sad
Liadlaith 10:00 PM are you crying?
black Robe 10:01 PM hmm..
not yet
are you
Liadlaith 10:01 PM i can't
black Robe 10:02 PM howcome
Liadlaith 10:04 PM blocked tear-ducts. it means whenever i want
to cry, the tears just build up behind my
eyeballs and in my sinuses. it hurts so much i
start throwing up.
so i can't watch sad movies, or peel onions
black Robe 10:08 PM well
am about to run out of wells here
Liadlaith 10:08 PM maybe you should put up a rain tank then
black Robe 10:09 PM maybe..
so what do you do
Liadlaith 10:09 PM i'm a counsellor for a suicide hotline
Liadlaith 10:10 PM and an amateur squash player
black Robe 10:10 PM and yet you are only 18
Liadlaith 10:10 PM i'm 20
black Robe 10:11 PM right.. stupid icq not updating
am a Suicidee waiting for a counsellor
Liadlaith 10:11 PM really
black Robe 10:11 PM true..
Liadlaith 10:12 PM well, considering *you're* 103, perhaps it's
time to euthanaise yourself
black Robe 10:14 PM nope
sounds too boring
I am devising an ingenius finale..
Great Beings like Myself deserve much much
better exits than the rest of those pathetic
mortal creatures
Liadlaith 10:15 PM are you going to throw yourself off a bridge?
black Robe 10:15 PM of course now...
please.. that is so boring.. and lacks
imagination
Liadlaith 10:16 PM are you going to take a lot of innocent people
with you?
black Robe 10:17 PM you must be kidding...
to do so would mean to acknowledge that they
exist in the first place
Liadlaith 10:18 PM i'm bored
let's talk about squash
black Robe 10:18 PM hmm..
are you single?
Liadlaith 10:19 PM no, i'm married
black Robe 10:19 PM seriously??
Liadlaith 10:19 PM yes.
black Robe 10:20 PM bored and married hey
that makes sense
Liadlaith 10:21 PM that's pretty rude
black Robe 10:23 PM hmm..
it is pretty simple
nothing to do with rudeness
I added your "I am bored" with your "I'm
married"
Liadlaith 10:23 PM well i'm sorry if talking about you killing
yourself is boring. i get enough of that at
work
black Robe 10:24 PM then what would you suggest we talk about
Liadlaith 10:24 PM squash.
black Robe 10:25 PM I see
what about it
Liadlaith 10:25 PM have you ever played it?
black Robe 10:26 PM hit a ball with a stick of some sort..
hmm.. how interesting that sounds..
once..
Liadlaith 10:26 PM it's not a stick, it's a racquet!
and it's very interesting. i'm the regional
amateur champion.
black Robe 10:31 PM so what else
Liadlaith 10:32 PM *sigh*
you're obviously not one of the chosen few who
get squash.
what do you do?
black Robe 10:32 PM hmm...
I would like to be on the receiving end of
Squash
Liadlaith 10:33 PM you mean you want to be the wall?
black Robe 10:33 PM on..
I mean I would like you to sit on My Princely
Face, NAKED, and "Squash" it
Liadlaith 10:34 PM ewww. that's not the sort of thing to say to a
virgin
black Robe 10:34 PM :)
a married virgin
Liadlaith 10:34 PM yes. do you have a problem with that?
black Robe 10:35 PM I don't have any problems.. only solutions
Liadlaith 10:36 PM you sound like my priest
black Robe 10:37 PM you have a priest of your own..
please, do tell
Liadlaith 10:37 PM no, i don't have a priest of my own. but i do
have a priest, like everyone else in my
community
black Robe 10:44 PM well
Liadlaith 10:44 PM he was the one who advised me to get married
black Robe 10:45 PM right..
silly old priest
Liadlaith 10:46 PM don't say that about father roland.
he was very wise.
like st paul says in 1 corinthians, "'It is
good for a man not to have sexual relations
with a woman.' But because of the temptation
to sexual immorality, each man should have his
own wife and each woman her own husband."
black Robe 10:48 PM hmm... I eat your Toes
am hungry
Liadlaith 10:49 PM my toes are all gristly, you should probably
eat something else
black Robe 10:49 PM what's gristly
Liadlaith 10:49 PM full of gristle?
black Robe 10:49 PM what's gristle
Liadlaith 10:50 PM cartilage.
black Robe 10:50 PM I see...
hmmm..
well I want to eat it just the same..
eat BOTTOM and drink from Sacred Fountain too
while am at it
if you don't mind
Liadlaith 10:52 PM ugh! you're a classic case of what father
roland was trying to stop jerome and i from
becoming
black Robe 10:56 PM you lie about being married
what a shame..
We could have been you know
Liadlaith 10:56 PM i'm not lying, i am married.
black Robe 10:56 PM prove it
Liadlaith 10:57 PM how? and why should i? god knows i am telling
the truth, who else would i want to please?
black Robe 11:02 PM so what else
Liadlaith 11:03 PM so what else what?
black Robe 11:04 PM do you shave down THERE
Liadlaith 11:05 PM stop saying things like that to me! i don't
like it, my husband wouldn't like it, neither
would my priest and God most certainly
doesn't!
Liadlaith 11:05 PM you're really upsetting me and it's mean to
make me cry
black Robe 11:06 PM yeah right :)
the Devil himself couldn't make you cry
Liadlaith 11:07 PM don't be so blasphemous!
black Robe 11:08 PM hmm..
do you have a pic
Liadlaith 11:09 PM like i would give you anything . . . you're a
disgusting, perverted unbeliever.
black Robe 11:10 PM I will convert once I see you
so send
Liadlaith 11:10 PM no!
black Robe 11:11 PM hmm..
would you like Me to let you be then
Liadlaith 11:11 PM i think so. you've upset me enough.
black Robe 11:12 PM go burn in heaven
freakin BIMBO
with lying tongue
Liadlaith 11:13 PM i am not lying to you! stop accusing me like
this
black Robe 11:14 PM hmm..
like I said
go freeze in your heaven
Liadlaith 11:14 PM you poor lost soul
black Robe 11:15 PM what religion are you
Liadlaith 11:15 PM i'm a christian
black Robe 11:17 PM the piss of a diseased Camel is too good for
your foul lying mouth
Be Gone
Liadlaith 11:20 PM Who is this?
black Robe 11:20 PM who is asking
Liadlaith 11:20 PM Jerome. Why have you made my wife cry?
black Robe 11:21 PM not My fault
I meant to say
Liadlaith 11:23 PM Did you know that my wife has blocked tear
ducts, and that when she cries her tears can't
come out?
You've made her cry, and now she's in agony.
I've had to carry her into the bathroom so
that when she starts throwing up, which she
inevitably will, she'll be close to a drain.
black Robe 11:26 PM look female BIMBO
go fool your own kind
Be Gone
Liadlaith 11:27 PM You truly are a lost soul.
I think it best that you don't try to talk to
us anymore.
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