A Way With Words

Navel Gazing
October 15, 2003, 9:17 p.m.

Shock! Horror! Another soap-box update! Go check out some of the photos Ellie took of me the other day – you can tell I’m really cold in one ; )

I was walking towards Broadway with Ellie and Budgie today, and on the path in front of us was a couple. Kissing. Very vigorously. They would take like two steps, grasp desperately for each other, continue walking, and then grasp again. I was . . . a little disturbed. Heartsick, too – I wanted to be part of that couple. Eledhwen reprimanded me, telling me I ought to “grab this thing and get over it”. She doesn’t want me to wallow.

I don’t think I’ve been wallowing. I think I’ve been pretty good about getting over it. Sure, I had a bit of a relapse on Monday night, and I was overreacting today, but dammit, I’m allowed a relapse once in a while. Plus, I’m all hormonal and shit. Gimme a break : ) I was laughing and talking to my ex-boy immediately after he broke up with me.

Anyway, I gave myself a stern talking to whilst waiting for the bus this afternoon.

Why do you keep getting upset over the break up?
Because I feel cheated – one minute we were fine, the next minute we were over.
Is there anything you can do about it? Can you change it?
Apart from not talking to Elf-boy in protest, no.
Do you want to do that?
No, I like talking to him, and spending time with him.
Is this because you still have feelings for him?
I don’t know . . . I think I might have a crush on him.
What would you say if he called you up and asked you out?
“Uhhh . . . we need to talk.”
Would you say yes, after talking?
I want to . . . but part of me is screaming “You hurt me! We’re not compatible! You’re a cat person!” I think I’m just lonely.
You’ve been lonely before.
I know. I’ll be fine. I’ll meet someone new – if I’d just get out of the house once in a while ; )
So anyway, getting back to the original question – there’s nothing you can do about the fact that the Elf-boy broke up with you. He doesn’t want you back, you don’t think you’d take him back anyway. What are you going to do?
Uhh . . . let it go, have fun and find someone new?
Good girl.

I think I’ll be okay : )

On a side note, I would like one day to date a guy named Luke. No particular reason, I just like the name Luke. It’s a good name, especially to say. C’mon, say it with me - Luke. O’course, if I ever dated a Luke, you’d not know, because I’d give him a pseudonym. Perhaps I should just give the next boy I date the pseudonym Luke. And then the one after that can be called Luke Mark II. Hmm . . . that’s getting a bit Biblical : )

Well, just before I go: it rained this evening, as I was walking home. It was lovely. Fat, wet drops of rain, plopping on to the footpath, my head, down my shirt ; ) I love Summer-y rain like that: the type that’s born of the city humidity. I love the build up of tension in the air, and then the sudden release. It’s beautiful.