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Let Me Be
October 19, 2003, 1:14 p.m. I'm supposed to be writing up my essay. It's due in tomorrow. But I can't. I'm all scattered. I checked my email, and Hotmail was bleating about me having too many, so I went to delete a few . . . and of course had to deal with the sight of a squillions from Elf-boy, from when we were going out. And before that, too. I started crying. Goddammit, I hate this. I just don't think I'm over him. Sometimes I despair of ever being over him. Do I still have fucking feelings for him? Please God, no! Go away you stupid things, get out of my life, you're not helping. Let me go. Let me live my life. Let me be. I hate this, I can't live with this. I just want to be free, but I can't until I stop wishing he was back in my arms. And I can't seem to make myself stop. It's been nearly three months, but all I can think about is what I was feeling a year ago today. God, stop it. I've got an essay to write.
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