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And There Was Much Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth
February 16, 2004, 9:48 p.m. So, I don’t know how, but much to my surprise, this afternoon I finished the first chapter of my Aistrigh story, which I have christened The Eldritch City. If anyone is interested in reading it, and giving me a little feedback, that would be great. Just email me, and I’ll tell you where you can download it from (it’s a .doc file, so it’s a good idea if you have Word or any other program that can read .doc files). And, um, I was reading Romans last night (you know, from the Bible, by Paul?) – because, believe it or not, Hackers was on last night and he quoted 1 Corinthians 13:11, and I thought about how the Bible’s everywhere in Western society so I’d better read it. Last time I got bored with the Acts of the Apostles, mainly cause it seemed like it should have been renamed Acts of Paul, so I just skipped to Romans. I don’t mind Paul’s writing, I just get bored reading about all the stuff he’s doing. Anyway, where was I? Reading Romans, right. 12 For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law . . . 14 For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. That’s from chapter 2, by the way, and it’s comforting, because I do consider myself a good person, even if I live ‘without the law’. I think I do, by nature, do what the law requires (depending on some people’s interpretation of the law). But, I think I’ve cruelled it for myself by reading the Bible. Cause, I’m not really without the law now, am I? I’ve read bits of the Bible, I’ve been to scripture. I’m not baptised, but I know what Christianity is and what its teachings are. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. (Chapter 8) No, actually, the Spirit of God does not dwell in me. Assuming God exists, and he is trying to gain entrance to my heart – I just can’t hear him. I could pretend I do, and attend church, and be baptised, and all that, but I could also dye my hair and call myself a natural blonde – eventually my roots would show and I would still be a brunette. I don’t know what to do . . . it’s funny, I’m not bothered like this about any other religion. I don’t worry that I should convert to Islam or Hinduism or Buddhism. But Christianity . . . I don’t know. Perhaps it’s a sign? I still think this it, that when we die there’s nothing after. But I’m afraid there is, and that I will spend that afterlife burning in hell for ignoring God. But would God want me if I didn’t believe in him, I was doing it out of fear?
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