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She's Gonna Be Mrs. No Balls
March 28, 2004, 6:24 p.m. Amy Cooper is a columnist for SundayLife, and in her column today she wrote about women proposing marriage to men, and why all her high-flying, empowered female friends don’t do it, despite being ballsy enough to demand anything else they wanted in their lives. Basically it boiled down to reasons, which can be summarised in the following two quotes: 1. “Everyone knows what I’m like. They’ll all think I bullied him into it.” The first quote refers to a woman described as someone who’s “not just in the driver’s seat of life – she built the vehicle, souped it up and is speeding to victory in the Formula One,” but is now having to wait for a marriage proposal from her partner “as demurely as a Jane Austen heroine.” Because she doesn’t want to come off as having bullied her partner. What the hell kind of a relationship does this woman have with her boyfriend?! If people who know her, who know their relationship, think that she could bully him into it, they’re obviously not ready for marriage. And, ignoring that, why is it if a strong woman proposes, everyone will think she bullied her fiancé into marriage, but if a strong man proposes, no one questions his fiancée’s agreement? The second quote is the more troubling, because Amy Cooper follows it up with this: We need to know we’re loved but men have so few ways left to prove it. We don’t need their money, their brawn or their protection. And we definitely don’t need to marry them. And so the engagement ring, free of all its old economic, pragmatic and social agendas, has become one of the few remaining symbols of pure love. Who can blame us for holding out for that? Um, excuse me? Where the hell did all these “ways to prove it” go? Sure, opening doors and paying for meals can be social landmines these days, but most normal people don’t have a problem with a bit of courtesy and chivalry. And there’s nothing to stop a man from finding new ways to express his love – cook her her favourite dish (or order it from Zanzibar!), give her a kiss hello every time you see her, make a mix CD. Be creative, be honest, don’t rely solely on old traditions. Which is exactly what the whole male-proposal thing is. Since when is the engagement ring “free of all its old economic, pragmatic and social agendas”? Obviously it still holds on to them if a woman can’t present one to her partner – one woman in the article actually considered presenting her boyfriend with a watch, or a cigarette lighter instead. It’s just so ridiculous. It’s obvious that the same old social mores still exist, and we’re just trying to cover them up with idiotic blathering about “symbols of pure love”. If a relationship is equal, what does it matter who proposes? You’re not going to be any less of a man if a woman proposes to you, unless you actually get upset about it. Grrr! Arrrggh!
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